It is interesting how the environment tends to become quiet around us as we get older; however, inside our heads there will be an awful lot of noise going on. Once you reach the age of 70, you do not necessarily reminisce about those “good old days”; instead, you analyze your current state of affairs using a magnifying glass. You finally find yourself capable of making sense out of things – the fog disappears and everything becomes crystal clear. You know what you’ve accomplished and what you have been through; therefore, no one has the right to ask you to perform or carry a burden of any sort.
Many of us followed the “rules of should” for decades. We should remain good friends with a person because we’ve known each other since the Nixon era. We should not cause a rift in the family because family comes first. Also, we should oblige our neighbor whenever they call because they need help because it is the polite thing to do. However, at 70, you begin to realize that peace is more than just an idea, it becomes a necessity. You start to realize that to achieve peace, you might need to free yourself from certain ties.
This is neither an act of becoming a bitter old person nor a grump. On the contrary, it is an act of self-respect. It is a conscious decision that life is too valuable to spend around people who make you feel worthless.
The Constant Critics
We’ve all met those people with an innate talent for delivering backhanded compliments. You tell them about something you accomplished, and their response will always be something like “Oh, yeah… but…” You choose something for yourself, and they raise an eyebrow, “Well, if you want it that way…”
At thirty or forty, you may feel like having enough energy to debate with them or persuade them. By seventy, this dance just gets too tiring. Life has taught you things; you know what is best for you, what you have won, and what you have lost in the process. To continue listening to a person who looks down upon you after such a long life of experience is pointless.
There’s plenty of psychological research that says chronic criticism wears us down, but you don’t need a study to tell you that. Your body will tell you when the situation gets too much, you feel it in your shoulders. Today, your mental well-being is no less important than your blood pressure. If being around certain people always feels like you’re on trial to get their stamp of approval, then it’s probably high time you stopped inviting them around.
The People Who Drain You of All Energy
And then, there are what we may refer to as “energy vampires.” I’m sure all of us have one in our circles of friends. We see their name flashing on our cell phones, and we find ourselves exhaling a deep breath just thinking about engaging in conversation with them because all they wish to talk about is their problems, pains, and grudges against life.
Of course, we all like to support our loved ones in times of need. But the problem here is distinguishing between someone having a difficult phase in life and someone whose entire personality revolves around misery. Once you’ve spent two hours listening to someone complain, you can never really make up for that lost time.
The older we become, we find ourselves noticing that the time it takes to be energized again is longer than it used to be before. When we know that we have a limited number of good hours during the day, would you sacrifice three hours of it for a person who hasn’t even bothered to check up on how you’re doing? It’s alright not to take part in everything. It’s alright not to affect your mood by others.
The “One-Way Street” Relationships
This is a harsh truth to come to terms with. You fin
d yourself looking back on a relationship and thinking, “if I stopped being the person making plans, taking care of transportation, and reaching out, this relationship would simply fizzle out.”
Our reluctance to abandon such relationships has much to do with the history behind it. “But we have been best friends since the 70s.” However, the past should not dictate our current choices. If you find yourself having invested a lot more into your relationship than your friend, you must question the reasons behind it.
Healthy friendships don’t need to be perfectly balanced every day, but eventually there must be a give-and-take aspect to it.
The Family Trap
Family is by far the most difficult element of this entire puzzle. There are so many “shoulds” around family: I should call. I should visit. I should suffer through poor treatment because, after all, they’re “family.”